The sex spill

The crying game

2008-08-12T17:30:00.000-07:00

Every once and a while you get involved with someone in your life thats a real fucking wackjob. I had one of these relationships with a girl. Alison was a knockout, perfect body, smart, sexy, but if you put a drink in front of her face she would take it down faster than secretariat could run the 40.
Which usually resulted in her being fun but also a sloppy mess. Now for most of the time I was hanging out with Alison she always had an on again off again boyfriend who treated her pretty shitty so i was usually there for her when she needed someone to talk to. One night she came over and brought a fifth of bacardi so I figured it was gonna be a slop show. It was the night of the Ohio State VS. LSU championship game and we made a bunch of bets like if there were 2 complete passes in a row we must take half a shot, just stupid side bets to keep it interesting. By the time the second half kicked of we were shitty, very shitty she was on top of me on the couch with my roommate sitting right next to us. Alison is begging to go upstairs and I kept telling her after the game but she wasn't having it so I take her to bed. About 20 minutes into knockin it out I flip her around and she starts crying, being the gentleman I am I ask what the problem is and she says nothing keep going. So I do and she continues this sobbing shit so I stop and she just breaks down and starts whimpering about her boyfriend and how she loves him. So I laugh and go to the bathroom downstairs to let her realize how stupid she is and I realize my roommate went to sleep so I gotta deal with this idiot by myself now. I return to my room after heating up some delicious Qdoba to find that Alison is gone. About 10 seconds later my roommate busts in my room laughing his ass off saying that she went into his room and cuddled up with him naked thinking he was me. So im thinking he's gonna pull the old choo choo on her which I would have completely condoned but he thought that was wrong or something. He is more amazed at the fact that his door was locked and this wastecase figured out how to pick it. We pick her up and throw her in my bed and set a time to go buy some deadbolts in the morning. Needless to say she had no idea of her antics the night before but I'm sure you do now haha

Beer bottle girl

2008-08-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

This might be one of the most degrading stories I have in my arsenal so if you're a closed minded female you might want to bypass this one otherwise enjoy. I started off the Thursday morning by scoring some pistons timberwolves tickets at the palace for a 7:00 pm game. So I run through my phone deciding who I can get the most beers out of for taking them to a game. I shoot some texts out to see who's available and my buddy Mike said he would drive and pick up two tall boys at the game (Great fucking deal for two free tickets). So he picks me up around 5 to head to the game, we left ourselves some time to bar hop before the game started. So we hit some bars and finally show up in the second quarter. As were walking in Mike notices some kid he went to school with is an usher at the venue so we slide him ten bucks and he shows us where some good seats are that no ones been sitting in for that game. We grab two ridiculously overpriced tall boys and head down to the seats. Now it ends up being a typical game we get shit faced and make friends with everyone around us. Detroit ends up kicking the shit out of the Twolves so we decide to head back to the car a little early. As were walking up the stairs the usher that Mike knew said to wait around and fallow him back into town where he was house sitting his dads friends house.
So we wait around in the parking lot and finally the kid comes out with 4 pistons shirts and he throws each of us one and jumps in his car. Todays been a good day free tickets,Free beer, Free t shirt. But when we step into this house this guy was sitting my day went from good to fucking great. This kids girlfriend was there with two of her hot ass friends and they were Whammered. So I get to talking with the hotter of the 2 and within 15 minutes were making out on the couch. Now I didn't really know the guy we fallowed there and didn't want to ask him for a room so i invite this chick back to my place. I tell Mike I'm heading back so he throws me his keys and i grab the girl and go. We get to my house and my roommate and a couple friends are sitting around drinking and we join in on a game of bus driver (Card game that gets you drunk quick). Before i know it were laying on my bed and I'm hearing that lame ass "I don't normally do this kind of thing" when in reality this bitch was creaming her pants on the car ride here. I tell her (Lie to her) and say that I'm not expecting to do anything I totally respect her. I stand up grab her hand and act like I'm ready to go back down and join my friends. Thats all it took, she grabs me and starts taking my pants off so i know I'm in. About 20 or 30 minutes into turning this chick out I hear my bathroom door crack open and look back to see my two friends peeking in. Naturally I bend this chick over so she cant see them and wave them in. I start to yell stupid shit in her ear to make my buddies laugh and to see how far i can get without being caught. Well i got caught, Grabbing her hair and yelling Flavor Flav in her ear did it. She looked back and saw my friends laughing there asses off. At this point I expect a smack across the face but thats not what i got at all. Instead of being pissed this girl embraced it and asked if they liked the show. Obviously they said yes so she asked if they wanted another show. Now I'm sitting there in aw just like my two peeping friends wondering what kind of show were gonna get. She reaches over the side of the bed and grabs an empty bottle of Bud. With a smile on her face she looks to me laying beside her and hands me the bottle and tells me to put it in her gently. Thats not an order you disobey so I do so the bottle goes about up to the neck before she tells me to take it out and when I do there is a hilarious bop noise that goes with it. This slut continues to let both of my friends put it in her once themselves. After about 5 minutes of that my friends left and went down the stairs chanting "YEAST INFECTION" over and over. Needless to say we saved that bottle above our sink until we moved from that house.

Random Facts about random shit

2008-08-04T21:12:00.000-07:00

*There are men in Guam whose job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the 1st time.

*There is 1 gun for every 12 people in the world

*There are more collect calls made on fathers day than any other day of the year

*An American Urologist bought Napoleons penis for $40,000

*The state with the longest coastline in the continental U.S is Michigan

*Each day, there are over 120 million sexual intercourse taking place all over the world.

*Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

* 70% of women who smoke have had more than 4 lovers in the last year while 60% of female non-smokers had none.

*There are only 18 countries richer than Bill Gates

*The Boston University Bridge is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane

Sink it. Drink it

2008-08-04T19:57:00.000-07:00

Official Beer Pong rules are there are no official rules from my experience it is played many different ways in many different parts of the country. But playing mainly in the Midwest I am putting together some guidelines for the times when people just cant agree.

Cup Formation- I have played on 6,10,12 cup racks but 10 seems to be the easiest rack to begin with for a two on two game. If you're just doing some pre drinking and want to play 1 on 1 than a 6 rack is sufficient. 10 cup formation is 4-3-2-1 starting from the edge of table and should come close to touching each other.

Re Rack- Re rack rules are usually up to the house but I like to stick with re racking at 6 cups 3 cups and a choice on 2 cups. If racked on 2 cups it should be nuts to buts or side to side. I always rack 3 in a triangle but A-lot of people prefer a straight line.

Blowing- If A guy blows a ball out of a cup kick him out of your house immediately. Blowing is for bitches only and can only be done when the ball is circling the interior of the cup.

Fingering- The guys version of blowing, we get to finger the ball only if it is in a spiral on the interior of the cup by sticking your finger in and trying to pop the ball out of the cup. Not as easy as it sounds you will push the ball down more times than not.

Bouncing- If a player bounces the ball and makes a cup it is worth two cups. If a ball is bounced and makes a cup and teammate makes the same cup it is worth three cups and balls are returned to the shooting team. If a player bounces a ball the opposing team can swat the ball away.

Returned balls- When both players make a cup balls are returned. If both players make the same cup balls are returned and its worth 3 cups.

Rebuttal- When a team makes the last cup there is a chance for the loosing team to send game into over time by making every cup left on the table consecutively.

Overtime- Played after a team has a successful rebuttal. Normally played with 3 cups per team in the typical triangle.

comment if we have left anything out.

The wilder beast!

2008-08-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

Every once in awhile there is a time in life when everyone needs to get away from reality. Escaping from the every day norm is usually a very relaxing time for vacationers. But if the vacationers are four 23 year olds odds aren't good that there it will be relaxing. This tale starts off on a road trip heading to the country capital of the world Nashville Tenn. In a car with three drunk guys looking to get away for a weekend. After a night of driving and a half gallon of vodka mixed with Gatorade our spirits were filled with ambition and electrolytes. Arriving in the city at about noon on a Friday morning when the traffic is at its peak because of the Colts playing the Titans on Sunday we stumble upon our Knights Inn hotel that we had booked. Walking in to the building we started to realize that our hotel was quite the distance from the main street and there were three girls standing outside the hotel hooking. Now from our 29.99 a night rate you might think we would have expected this but we were optimistic. When I approached the man at the desk who was arguing on the phone with a bill collector i decided this wasn't the place for our vacation from the murder mitten. About 25 minutes later we park downtown next to the blues club and decide to stay at the nearest hotel possible so we blow 215 a night at the Sheraton. Once again its location, location, location. So we do some drinking in the room until its time to go out. We head to Coyote ugly for the 1st stop where we meet a girl from our hometown and decide she needs to dance on the bar so we order up a penalty shot for my friend Nick. No explanation on the penalty shot but if you're in Coyote just get one. We head down the street to a bar with a band and get annihilated to the point that i end up in the road puking next to a horse and carriage with newlyweds in it. Apparently they pointed and laughed. So its 10:30 and I am dunzo so I get walked back to the room by my friend Rob and he heads back out while I cuddle the pillow. After A great nights sleep I wake up ready for my first cocktail of the day and notice a purse is laying on the floor next to the broken lamp that obviously got its ass kicked, So i look around and see some shoes and other random shit that indicates someone put the jackhammer down last night. Now I'm running on a great nights sleep because i bitched out and everyone else is knocked out. Then i hear the toilet flush so i get up to see a naked female that could have passed for Chris Farley in the I'm Hungry skit. This bitch is huge like 245 at 5 foot huge so i immediately start laughing in her face cause its my room and i can do that. She introduces her self and asks me if i want to hear her CD that she has in her purse. HAHA fucking Nashville everyones trying to get a deal so I continue talking to this cumguzzler as she tells me her plans to get famous. Then I ask her the all important question of why the fuck are you in my room and she says she needed a place to stay so she bought the guys rounds all night for a place. I laughed it off as she walked around in nothing like it was normal and woke everyone up to say bye. She hugged everyone and left like she had known us for years and thats the wilder beast.

Malt liquor and Sex!

2008-07-31T12:55:00.000-07:00

This story comes from Spring break 2005 when I traveled with a group of friends to Ft. Lauderdale Florida in search of nothing more than some college girls wanting to have a good time. Lauderdale is a great spot for spring break and I highly recommend it because of how lenient the cops are there. They don't go out of their way to ticket and arrest people like Daytona or Panama. Southern Florida beaches are the place to be it seems like a skank breeding ground. Getting laid here is like Adam fucking Eve it has to happen. So with that said this starts off with six guys in the shittiest hotel on A1A in Lauderdale. But anyone knows it doesn't matter how nice your place is its about the location. And location we had i could have crawled back from the club with a slut attached to my leg I was so close. So me and the guys get checked in and hit the beach with the cooler and hopes of landing some early day tail. We come across five Central Michigan girls the first 20 minutes we're there and decide to try them out. We drink all day on the beach and tell them to meet at our place before we hit the bars. We all head back in and me and Rob start arguing over which one of the girls were gonna bang. When we come to an agreement on who's got who we shotgun a beer. Shotgunning is the new handshake. The girls come by about 9 or 10 and we have some drinks while getting to know the girls before we head out. The first bar we go to is a Piano bar and dance club all in one. Now were already shit canned by the time we get to the bar so I'm already sleezin all over these chicks. About an hour into dancing i look out at the ocean and want to jump in so I grab rob and 3 of the girls for a skinny dip session, on the way down to the beach a naked guy pushes through us and goes running down the stairs heading for the beach. No faster than I could yell trip that naked fuck did two uniformed cops tackle his ass on the sidewalk. We walked up and the cops joked with us about it and told us to take a picture so we did. Back on the path to the beach we made the girls start taking off their clothes before we hit the water. Once we got to the water we had our make out session and what not but i wanted some ass and it was clear these dick teases weren't giving it up yet. After that fiasco we through our clothes back on and head up to the bar again where we meet 2 girls from Xavier who were looking to have fun. Me and Rob party with them all night and end up back at their place because ours had 4 other guys in it. This place was nice jacuzzi tub and all so we decide to all take a cuzz and get to know each other. And by get to know each other i mean face-fuck them both. Rob takes his Xavier slut to the shower about 6 feet away from where i was still getting brain from my new friend. About 5 minutes into his shower i hear him yell see how far It can shoot so I see her bend down to watch and right as he starts to blow he faces at her and gives her the malt in the face. We both laugh are asses off and have a nice stroll down A1A back to our room. And thats Malt liquor!

Sex with Hot Dog girl (MSU)

2008-07-31T10:07:00.000-07:00

This story starts out on Michigan States campus in the heart of East Lansing where the chicks run deep and the beer flows cheap. Now Most nights would start off with some pre drinking at a house full of looking to get laid guys before heading off to spend $17.50 at the bar and stumble home with a girl who wanted to get fucked because her boyfriend back home told her he wanted some time to think. Well tonight wasn't that different. I walk into a 4 bedroom house holding a 30 pack of my favorite American lager (Busch). There are six 20 something college guys sitting around a radio with a shot glass in front of each of them and beer cans draped across there feet. My first thought was shit i'm late. The guys are 24 minutes into a game of power hour which is played by pouring a shot glass full of beer and drinking 1 every minute while a hour long cd shoots a new song off every 60 seconds. So everyone is about two beers in so i shotgun two beers and enter the game. After the five beers in 60 minutes i have too take a monster piss. I go outside where i have basically made the side of the house my personal urinal and start to take my piss when everyone comes running out of the house ready for the bar. So i shake and start walking. We enter the bar just in time to beat the rush of kids looking for the special that ends in twenty minutes. Now its time to start sleezing, usually there is a standard of only talking to girls in the 7 and up range but that drastically fades as beer pours down my throat and i find myself talking to a 5 or 6. I look across the room and see my buddy rob talking to a girl about equivalent to the one in front of me so i feel better about myself. I start to realize how dumb this dunce of a girl is I'm talking to and tell her i got to piss. I leave and never see her again so I'm on the prowl again i walk by rob and he says his girl has a party two blocks away. I say fuck it and we start walking. The longer we walk i realize were not going to a party were headed back to the house so rob can bag this girl and I'm the reason he wont have to cuddle with her after. Now Im pissed because i could have brought that 6 back too but i start thinking maybe hes setting up the tag team. So we get back to the house a couple minutes later and Rob starts in with the you're so beautiful bit so i play along and tell her shes cute until we have her standing there in her panties. Shes a little pale for my liking but nice ass and some not so flattering saggy tits. I decided to play just the wing man in this op and let rob get his. Rob takes her in the room and walks out about 20 minutes later with a smile on his face. I assume shes getting ready but he tells me that she passed out. Now I have some respect for the ladies but if you pass out in someones house you don't know after getting fucked 20 minutes after leaving the bar you deserved to get shamed. So I start thinking it would be a great idea to cover this slut in hot dogs. Koegel's hot dogs of course the finest hot dog made because the slogan is "Serve the Curve". I cover 23 uncooked and 1 blackened dog that i found in the fridge over her entire body and we head back to the bar. We enter the bar again to find our friends drooling over the same girls and decide to have a drink and leave. I figure ill give up for the night and settle for my ex girlfriend who is a guarantee. We get back to the house and find 19 of the 24 total hot dogs. And thats the hot dog girl